A little sum-sum for myself

This is dedicated to "Number Two" (smile). This story is a local lore that has been vocally shared with me, and its based on eyewitness accounts...but I have no insight specific to how the main character really feels. I have made some assumptions based on what I've been told and observed. Of course the names have been changed to protect the innocent...and to prevent me from loosing my shirt in an ugly lawsuit :)
Once upon a time there was a woman named Lisa. Lisa met a married man. Well legally he was married, but physically he lived in one state and his estranged wife lived in another. Lisa developed feelings or an attachment to this man, Charles. From all reports Charles displayed affection for Lisa, but made no move to divorce the out of state wife. Lisa was not deterred by this. Nor was she deterred by other woman that Charles met. Legend has it that one interloper showed up at what was then Charles' bachelor pad while Lisa was there. She remained until the brazen hussy left. Eventually Lisa successfully made his bachelor pad her home. Many years passed and in the course of time, Charles' out of state wife died. As happens with verbal stories, it is not clear how long it was, but eventually Lisa gave Charles an ultimatum "Marry me within the year or I'm out". Charles like Coke, in the 80's blinked and Lisa landed her man...
Fast forward...but not too fast or too far. In fact in the version of the story I heard it was a much much shorter period than their courtship. One day, Lisa advised Charles that she had to find herself. Lisa left and spent the next few years "finding herself". Charles "waited" for her. During this period of waiting, Charles met several women and if one began to get serious, Lisa would resurface to interfere with the relationship. However Allison came along and some how managed to connect with Charles despite Lisa. A divorce happened and a marriage. Unfortunately the story doesn't end there with an "and they all lived happily ever after". Charles and Allison also ended...and from all versions of the story I've heard, Lisa was an invisible third party in the marriage, probably the catalyst for the separation and remains in Charles' life to this day. In fact, she recently took a sabbatical from her job with the school system to go with Charles half way across the country.
Ok, you know this is not a fairy tale right? When I first began to get pieces of this story I didn't know what to think and then as others shared their opinion I developed a negative biased opinion against Lisa. As I've observed Lisa, heard other things and seen other things, it has caused me to rethink my opinion of Lisa. See I saw Lisa as a manipulative you know what, who had her claws in like a cat toys with a mouse. Well I still think she's manipulative, but I think its for reasons other than what I thought. I was hanging with Charles before the trip and noticed that the music he had was all the same genre and I asked, "Does Lisa like this type of music?" Charles responded, "I don't know, she never complained." Wow, dating, marriage and post marriage, Lisa has been in Charles' life for 15 years. You've got hours and hours of music that doesn't seem to consider what she likes...hmmm. Don't get me wrong, this is not an indictment against Charles...but it peaks my professional curiosity about this being a passive aggressive act...another post another time.

I had a get together held at another friend's home, her partner was there. He was about 1 sheet to the wind when I arrived. He left the all girls gathering to hang with a bud, and when he returned he was ripped totally out the frame. He was more like a child than her partner. Each visit I've had with him and her has been like that. She enjoys him, but clearly he is not fulfilling to her. Another friend shared that she is trying to end a relationship. Among his many offenses is that he stopped talking to her when she hung out with me. It didn't matter that it was me, it simply the fact that she had an interest outside of him. Never mind that for the past year she has been very vocal that she wants a committed relationship, and he has repeatedly said "not interested".
Lest I be accused of a male bias, against the gender I love...I have a lesbian friend who had a baby with her partner and it seems to be working, but at the time, rumors swirled that the partner had gone on a 3-4 day vacation with another woman.
What is it about us females, that makes us subjugate ourselves in relationships and accept crumbs? Ever heard of the book "Women who love too much"? I am gonna catch some serious flack about this, but let me defend Lisa for a minute...just a minute cause I still think she's a manipulative chick on the level of my mother (the really dangerous ones) See I think Lisa and a lot more are willing to literally swallow who they are as a person just to have someone. That's why when she got what she demanded in the ultimatum (marriage), she then had to go find herself. She had been leaving a piece of herself behind each day until she no longer recognized who she was. She took Charles' last name and has never given it up, despite the fact he remarried after her. Think about this, you leave someone, you continue to talk to them, "know" them, move in and out with them, own things jointly, rent things jointly and did I say "know" them? Who was her therapist, Jerry Springer? How do you know someone for sooo long and not have shared who you are? Its like those mothers who have no clue who they are without their kids. Everything they do is about the child. Is it a matter of low self-esteem? Did someone tell you in words or actions that if you give all of you, people will love and appreciate the sacrifices you've made. Do you think no one can or will love who YOU are? Why is this not an indictment against Charles? Well Charles is a friend of mine, ask him what I like and he will tell you. He calls or text me when my favorite artist is on a program so I can watch it, he uses that as examples in conversations, he burns CD's with music I've heard him play and indicated an interest in. So we know Charles is not a complete "tool"...ok he's a man, I'm sure he has "tool" days like a man can. I'm just saying he has the capability and he uses it to respect the likes, wants and interest of a female. So then what's going on here?
I'm thinking of something my mother once told me. She said my grandmother told her sex was something you just had to do. It was your obligation as a wife. This type of thinking still persist. If I just do my "duty" at the expense of myself, I will be loved, protected, validated, honored, so on and so on. First of all who wants a robot, someone who does it out of "duty" and not because they enjoy it? Secondly, anything you do with the expectation of getting something in return is called a job, and you want to...you EXPECT to get paid. Here's the problem with this, just because you think the other person will like it and therefore should pay you, if we don't have a clear understanding that this is what the other person wants, then you ain't got a valid contract. AND, you better make damn sure that the other person is actually capable of giving you what you want. For whatever reason, Lisa thinks that Charles can give her what she wants. I submit that Lisa like many women is under the impression that giving herself requires payment and all parties understand the terms of this unspoken contract, and I submit an additional thought...Lisa doesn't know what she wants. Finding herself actually means figuring out what she wants. Now hears the biggie. Once she figures it out, then make a clear declaration of demands. This requires more than one post. Tell yah what take a bathroom break and come back for part 2.