Since the rap culture made calling females "b*tch*s a past time, White America has blown the word up and taken it to a whole new level. In the movie "In Her Shoes", a main character sleeps with a guy and he ask her "does this make me your b*tch?" It has become an acceptable term of endearment. Women wear it with pleasure and men say it with pride. I know, I know, I was not born in an era that makes it easy for me to even think of me being ok with a man calling me his "B". But you know if the truth is told and we own up to it, we have owned a "B" or we have been...or we are some one's "B". In friendship, work relationships, marriages, love interest etc. Someone is on top and someone is on bottom.
I've been both and depending on the relationship,who it was and what I was getting out of it, I've enjoyed top and bottom. I was advising a friend about basically being a female's financial "B". Being a female, I had a strong suspicion that she was making a royal "B" out of him. He then advised me that there is a difference between knowing that you are being taken advantage of and allowing it to occur, as opposed to having no clue what's happening. I shook my head and and admired his soft heart and frankly in my opinion at that time, soft head. A few months later a close relationship began to fall apart. I was frustrated by my attempts to salvage it. I was seeing behavior I didn't understand and couldn't reconcile with the meaning of the word "friend". The same friend came back to me and held up the proverbial mirror. What I admired most was that he initially supported my efforts occasionally challenging how I was viewing the situation. I also had another friend and they were each echoing one another's opinions. I began to realize that I was the emotional "B" in this other relationship. I was in awe of the other person, thought there was none cuter, none as sophisticated or charmer. I even wondered how it was that the friend hung out with me as opposed to this other person. I envied the attention she garnered on the street, and relegated myself to side kick. She didn't do this, I did. I created this classism in our relationship. Sad thing is this wasn't the first time. I had made myself the sidekick or Egor in several friendships. You've heard guys say that fine women have ugly friends. I'm not sure who uses who. Is it the fine woman making herself feel better or is it the woman who perceives herself as ugly or less attractive using the "fine" woman. The difference this time around was that I was in the process of metamorphosis. I first discovered the meaning of the words "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". Someone made me feel desired, wanted and heaven help me, sexy. I bought my first pair of thongs. Yes my big behind in a thong. Learned a few new things and did a few new things. It was like priming the pump. Other's began to respond differently and before I knew it, I had more going on than my light weight friends. I began to look at the change in my attitude and the correlation to how men responded to me. By this time I had made up my mind to have the surgery. I didn't know how, but I was putting all sorts of crazy ideas out there. I even posted a marriage proposal on Craigslist for any willing military man who was living in the closet. The military insurance benefits are some of the best. I was ready to move on and I would have done whatever it took.
Being a "pretty" girl's B*tch was growing old. But first I had to acknowledge it. Never really thought of it until the afore mentioned friend restated his comment about knowing when you are being used and being able to make a choice in the situation. Then another friend posed this question, "what are you getting from this and why can't you let it go?.
Maybe I'll tell you one day my answer and how it turned out, but today I want to ask you if you are the B*tch in a situation have you named it and owned it? Is it where you want to be right now? Are you learning something, growing, benefiting in anyway that's meaningful for you? If its not working for you and the only person benefiting from it is the person who owns you, why do you continue? No matter what the situation, there is a way out IF you want it. I am the last person to get phony and start running down to you about just do it. I don't know you, only you know you. If its what you want and its where you want to be, own it, wear it with pride and be the best "B" in that situation. In the intro to one of her live songs, Mary J ask the women in the audience who knew that no other "B" could f*ck with them. You get that kind of swagger from knowing and owning what you are in that moment and that yours is the tightest anywhere around and truly "can't no other "B" f*ck with you". Its now one less thing that I get real twisted about. I absolutely refuse to be the "B" in my friendships. Heck, I try not to be the "B" in my family...except for my mom. I know it and I own that one. Me, my possessions and my finances are b*tches at her command. Don't get me wrong that aint a 24/7 thing and I take time off so I can come back refreshed and ready to be tight again. I ain't gonna lie, in feeling a man, I have been that kinda of "B" for my man too and would be for the right one in the future. What I'm saying is you gotta call it what it is...be honest with yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment