I read "He's just not that into you", and loved the book. Pulled it out this morning and read a few pieces. Greg Brehrendt, one of the co-authors says this: There are lots of reasons a man might not want to take a friendship to the "next level." It really doesnt matter what they are or if they make any sense to you. The bottom line is that when he imagines being with you more intimately (and trust me, we do think about these things), he pauses and then says to himself, "Nah." Dont spend any more time thinking about it, other than saying to yourself, "His loss."
Re-reading that was like being kicked in the stomach, cause the words sounded so much like something I heard recently. I debated blogging this, but it is my blog and this is about my journey. The funny, the sad, the happy, the not so happy. Its what's going on in my life.
So what do you do when you realize you are a placeholder filling a need for pseudo intimacy until he finds "the one"? Do you settle cause its sorta fun and risk eating your frustation, hurt and disappointment or do you take care of you and walk?
Again, I get why overeating is such a complex issue and why surgery is only half the battle. If I were an alcoholic with this going on, oh I'd have finished off a bottle or two of something and think about going to a meeting next week. I know I proudly claimed I would embrace the feelings, but "f" that. I would really like to skip this and go on to something a bit more sunny. Oh well, things could be worse. At least now I can blame it on the weight. Yeah thats it, he would have wanted to risk ruining a "good friendship" if I were skinny. Don't know what I'll say when this happens after the weightloss. I'd like to believe it won't happen and that everything will be magical, however I have skinny single friends...hmmm. Maybe the chemistry just wasn't there, you got me. For every woman that finds herself here I think that's the most difficult thing. What exactly is it? What missing ingredient would make a man opt for one type of woman as oppose to another? What makes a man not be satisfied with one woman, but want more than one? Women find themselves asking that all the time. After the questions, some stay, some go, some go eventually coming back. I don't know the answer, do you? For the person in my life who emails me about these post this should get me an interesting one. I have one commentor on line and wonder if there'll be a comment on this one or just silence...
Now, I was pissed when I read it, but your blog. You write what you want to,whatever that may be. Had to collect my thoughts... 1st.. WTF, you think I'm that shallow, Have i ever said anything about your wt....no,I haven't.. You are a pretty woman, inside and out.. You don't understan whats gonna happen, you will change, for better or worse, once you lose the wt. see how many friends you still have that are your friends now. You will go back to Philly cause you'll like it there, the freedom the sense of confident you will have.... One thing I can tell you, the person inside makes the person, not the outer layer, however big or small that matbe..
ReplyDeleteI good friend of mine said we would be better off as good friends that lovers, turned out she was right, she is a very good friend of mine, I am the godfater to her 3 daughters.
You might now see it now, but will thank me later...
yes your going to New York, and I'm in Philly, Question for you is how are you going to get to New York,and who's gonna be there when you get there.... It's better to be in Philly or wherever, than be on your way to or be in New York by yourself. Appericiate the people around you that accept you for you, and are not using or taking advantage of you, you'll figure them out soon enough, your a smart girl... go in your turtle shell and figure it out...
people come and go, good friends stay there..
Wow! Didn't see this coming. I always wondered how people handled this on their blogs. Hmm, I don't know and frankly haven't got a clue. Its his opinion and it is about him. Guess a response is in order...other than my initial texts I fired off to him. Text and blog post (can you tell we don't like to argue, and at least one of us, okay both of us might be a bit passive agressive?).
ReplyDeleteSure we joke about it, but you don't know how I will and will not change for sure. That's why its gonna be a journey. I knew that you appreciated me for who I am. Do you think I would have written the things about you being a good person and how I enjoy your company, if I thought you had issues with my weight? I know people look at you and wonder what you're doing with a big girl, and I also know that you made a decision to live your life for you...except what you said in your comments above. I also know that you consciously choose seating, tables etc to make sure I'm comfortable. I knew that you saw both inside and outside.
I'm not looking for a lover, I'm looking for someone to share life with and things have taken the turn they've taken because that's not what you're looking for now or in me. That's what I mean by the fact that you are headed to Philly and I'm headed to NY. New York is being in a committed relationship and eventually marriage. So when I get to NY I won't be by myself I'll be with the man that belongs in NY with me. I would much rather have the rest of this conversation with you but I wanted you to know that much now.