Alex Trebek says it all the time, "Its much more difficult than its seems". I can call answers all day long sitting in the comfort of my home. But I don't know how I would do with cameras, lights, and the pressure of money and bragging rights all on the line. Sports enthusiast should be able to identify with that. I've also been known to fuss at the TV when a player ran to his left when there was a huge hole to his right. Most of us have enough sense to understand that we see things from a totally different point. I think the "business" of politics in our country is so off because folks on the far left and far right could both use a a good dose of "walk a mile in my shoes". People have polarized themselves so deeply into their own camps that they haven't smelled untainted air in years.
The mini-series Roots was a huge hit when it debuted because for the first time, since "Uncle Tom's Cabin", America got a gut check about slavery. It put a human face on it again. By the way for its time Uncle Tom's Cabin is profound...for its time. I'm reading it right now and I've decided not to call a particular Supreme Court Justice Uncle Tom unless I discover that there is another character this name is based on. The one in this book made a controversial choice, but not something that would earn the sell out connotation attached to the insult we now hurl. BUT, I digress.
Walking a mile in someone else's shoes or putting a human face on something is common. I think it should be done more in terms of physical things. The experiment done by the teacher who discriminated in her class to teach about racism and discrimination, is still discussed and debated for the long lasting effects on those kids. Recently a woman donned a fat suit and half way through her experiment she broke down and cried. I often hear life is tough all over and I can't argue with that. However I do submit that If you have average health, average looks and average intelligents you start out on a fairly level field.
If you have ever used the words "all you have to do is..." in a conversation where you are telling someone stuck in a situation how you think they can get out of the situation, I would like for you to go back to that moment to check where you were coming from with your advise.
If it was about a flat tire, how to decrease the amount of salt in a recipe, buying a car at the best price, getting from Timbukktu to Kalamazoo then your advice was probably not only appreciated but needed.
Well I am here to speak for those that want me to speak for them. "If you have had less than 25 lbs to lose at one time, your last ten pounds struggle does not qualify you to get into our conversation or our business. I am also here to forewarn all you arm chair Fat advisors and Monday morning personal trainers we are going to start tell you to mind your damn business. Okay I am. Unlike my flat tire or my salty recipe this is not a quick or even a simple fix, but in your mind it is. "Just pull back from the table, just get out and exercise, just cut back on your bread, just go blow it out your a-s.
I know those of you who are really dug into your self-righteous stance need to believe you can tell someone how to do something you have no clue about. Its okay, you are just exuding your God given right to be pompous, and it would be cool if it stopped there. But part of being self-righteous is that you don't often live and let live. You insist on expressing your OPINION. You can't say it once or say it as simply your opinion. Oh no, it has to be said often, with attitude and accompanied with either snide side comments or other informative statements that slight your intended victim. When you aren't talking you're giving disapproving looks.
It takes one to know one and I know you really well. I just saw you in my mirror. Its funny how life does that to you from time to time. Like the gypsy proverb/"May you get everything you want". I hope that you will truly get to know yourself.
I have an acquaintance who lives in victim mode 24/7 and strikes back at anyone who tries to help her out of that place. I don't know maybe some people have been damaged so badly from such an early age that being a victor scares them more than what holds them victim. I often wonder would the Biblical "woman with the issue of blood" run a campaign to stop people from calling her that. My name is Ofira! Sorry that was a rabbit trail for me.
So this acquaintance is a big girl like me and until recently she was bigger than me. She has been restricted in her movements for several years, suffers from weight related illnesses, has difficulty retaining permanent employment (which I suspect may be related to some fat bias coupled with her health issues), and men take advantage of her. Not in sexual ways, but they do things that in my book are just as sleazy. Borrow money, borrow rides, get their intimacy fix by texting her, calling her, flirting just enough to stroke their egos, but not enough for her to take them to court for breech of promise. It irritates me to no end to see her being taken advantage of by an employer, a man or a friend and it grieves me to see this person who use to be so vibrant to be trapped by all this excess weight. So who can blame the self-righteous gene in me when it rears its ugly head to give her suggestions about food she's buying, tell her how she can get in more exercise, invite her to work out with me, and join with other friends in double teaming her to make a real effort to lose weight?
Lets go back to that walking a mile in someone's shoes. Lets just put ourselves in my friends shoes. If you are 200 lbs and under the first thing we've got to do is find you a 100 lb bag of flour and distribute it around your body, attaching 30-40% of it to your stomach area. That's going to instantly put a strain on your back, your heart and constrict the amount of room your other organs have. The constricting is because fat deposits are all over your body even inside your chest cavity, making it harder for your lungs and diaphragm to expand and move. Your knees, ankles and feet hurt from altering their movement to assist your back and hips to feel some what better carrying the extra weight. Muscles all over tighten up to help your skeletal system support the weight. Your heart pumps extra hard to provide blood and oxygen to those over worked muscles. Shall I go on. We haven't even began to move, oh yeah, but you want old lard ass to exercise don't you? You start walking, now if its Spring or Fall, you probably have a sinus issues. Obesity increases your chance of having sinus issues. So now your squeezed lungs have even more to contend with. I won't even get into issues you have with finding good shoes, and affordable exercise clothing. Don't get me wrong, walking is the the absolute best way to start exercising, except walking in a pool (takes the pressure off your joints). However, most self righteous people are okay with a plus size person just walking, they come up with all sorts of stupid (said with a heavy English accent sounds more like "shtewpid") forms of torture, because we want to see them lose it quickly, so we can take pride in what we got them to do. "Put some weights on your ankles" (can cause injury and worst water retention), "walk and run to increase calorie burning" (can cause tremendous joint damage), "take the stairs" (that's fine as long as you don't already have joint damage, the pressure in each step going down does more damage, and up can cause a strain on a heart that's not ready for it). I'm not saying it can't be done, just that for lots of folks it's just not a good idea.
The next time you decide to give your two cents to a person and its really not a quick fix situation stop ask yourself, "do I really get what this person is dealing with, and could I sustain what I'm telling this person to do for an extended amount of time, realistically?" If you can't answer it or your answer is no, shut up, offer your support in the way that person can use it AND you are willing to give, or keep walking.
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