Getting my head right to fly

Well first of all I got the surgery on July 8th. It was amazing! Tuesday I had some office mates witness my will and health care power of attorney. It elicited a conversation that is very common among blacks. Lots of times, people ask why is it that when given a chance a child from the hood does not take the opportunity. There is an assumption that everyone thinks the same. We don't, so much influences how we see things and approach things. I was a little disheartened that I was having this conversation with a young person I thought was enlightened. See, I grew up with black parents from the old school, and when I say old I mean OLD. My dad would drop his head when talking to a white boss. He said yes sir to white men younger than himself out of age old training. He called ghost "hanks". That group saw hard working men of color loose everything just because a white man wanted it, mom tells of a family member who was done out of land because the white attorney did not do the right thing. The worst beating I ever got was for watching the building of a house. I was standing in the woods where I could not be seen, while they built. I was about 12. Mom called for me and I ran back to our house before I answered her. She deducted where I'd been, and beat me like I never had been beat before. She said "if something had happened to you they would say what was she doing over there". I was in college before I realized what she was saying and why she beat me. She knew a girl the age of my sisters was raped by a white man and he was never charged. This was the world they lived in. From that world they developed a way of thinking that helped them coped. The foundation of that thinking is don't plan too far ahead, don't get caught up in the good that's happening, don't enjoy the fruit of your labor too much, and don't get above yourself...because at anytime something might and probably will happen. Its amazing how many blacks still think this way without a thought of its consequences on them or their children. Some fear flying, won't go on cruises, don't eat exotic foods, the list goes on. Perfectly intelligent and industrious people whose children then have to compete with families that have been to Europe for 2 or 3 generations. Families who can afford exclusive clubs, events, but won't, "I ain't spending that money to act like something I ain't" again they and or their children have to compete for jobs, promotions, school entrances against families who eat and socialize with someone who can help them in their endeavors. Those are other areas, but the one I started to talk about was preparing a will. I hate to tell you, but death is gonna get you. "Life", nobody gets out alive! Yet in the black community there is this unspoken rule, "don't plan for it or it will come get you as soon as you do. Yet we see over and over again the results of not planning. Families fall apart, estates are lost, undivorced spouses come out the wood work, get insurances, take homes and live in lovers, outside children, and other family members who have stood by through thick and thin are slighted even mementos of their loved ones. But for many in the black community you might as well shoot them as oppose to asking them to prepare for the inevitable. I see it as the most selfish thing a loved one can do to the people they CLAIM to love. Basically what you are saying is I am so stuck in superstition and ignorance that I don't care if my children end up with a family member who's a child molester, I don't care that since I made no plan, everything has to go into probate (held by the state) my family has not money to operate with until its released and some stranger will determine what if anything my loved ones get, I don't care that my loved ones may be so stricken with grief that planning a funeral, memorial etc is unthinkable I want them to do it anyway, all because I was selfish and scared so I chose not to plan.
I'm not saying its a walk in the park to do it, but there are so many resources online now that you can read, plan and do exactly what you want without a soul knowing what you've decided until the reading of the will. I highly recommend you advise your executor(s) and/or anyone you want to leave your children to. My mom went to a seminar on wills given by an attorney and I read the material he gave out. The thing that stood out for me was the example he gave of JFK Jr. I can't quote it, but that dude had planned for all kinds of contingencies. He left things to his wife, BUT he said if something happened to them at the same time and they had kids he had a plan, and if something happened then he had another plan. Its funny cause if anybody had cause to fear death it was that family, but he had it so well planned that his estate goes on in the care of a family member. I realize that when his grandfather was exploiting and manipulating so that his family could become an empire, my family was still subject to a rogue hanging by the Johnston County Klan. I get why my family is less likely to make elaborate plans.
So I drew up a will, and the health care power of attorney (which allows someone to make medical decisions if you are unable to). The young man shocked me, he said as he signed my will and POA, "I need to do this, but you know how they say, they must have knew they were going to die, they just did a will last week." That statement and "things are going so good, something bad must be gonna happen", are HUGE pet peeves of mine and yet I wrestle with them just like everyone else who grew up under that. Alice Walker wrote a poem about defying expectations and she has a line about going on whistling like a crowing hen. You have to be African American to understand that. I was always told " a whistling girl and a crowing hen always come to no good end." Defying these deeply held superstitions is like that whistling girl. I whistle whenever I get a chance. I whistle to move myself ahead, I whistle to clear the path for my siblings' children, for my younger cousins and family members I whistle to cut some of those chains that tie us to imaginary anchors. I am so glad I whistled enough to not get frozen in fear and back out of my surgery.