Growing and healing on military time

I've always heard that in the military you hurry up and to wait. In the Christian world I think that trips a lot of would be believers up. See you have these flash in the pans and they give astounding testimonies of instant changes. Maybe I'm jaded, but most of those meteoric stars, tend to fall and fall hard. You know the kind, sooooo deep, you can't even say "crap", literally, around them. So then you have the faithful followers who feel like "crap" because they're struggling with everyday issues and the thorn in Paul's side doesn't get preached until one of the mighty fall. More folks would stay with the Lord if the book of Joel...Billy Joel that is, was quoted more often as oppose the book of the religious. He has a song called "Second Wind", its about screwing up and staying in the game. You hurry up and accept Christ, but living the life is a marathon that last a lifetime. You may walk away from a church, a cell, a prayer group, but just keep coming back to God. Sorry that was completely about me.
So I feel like, I hurried through the first parts of recovery, just to wait for the everything else to fall in place. I've been told in about 2 more months, I'll be able to drink more water, and things will not leave me nauseous. Well right now, some days water is just plain gross, food scents make me almost sick to my stomach. Chewing foods causes me to burp even before I swallow. I hate chewing vitamins and switching up liquids to trick my system. So I wait and everyone says how great I'm doing and how it seems so much longer that I've been out of surgery. That's because I hurried up only to wait.
So now, I've decided to mature emotionally. I made this profession to live life. Ah, its not so easy. Exactly what IS living life. I mean is it the quiet reserve of choosing a life profession and loyally following that life? What about discovering that something or someone other than what you thought puts a gleam in your eye. Is life pursing what may be a temporary distraction or the dream of a "life" time, or is living going for what is stable and lasting? What about choices that you make. If you are going to live life to the fullest do you choose for the moment or decide based on long term ramifications? Just how do you decide what true living is? AND how do distinguish between a gut feeling and your old self resisting living? Oh its all so overwhelming...where's a nice hot bucket of buttered popcorn when you need it? Just kidding...popcorn police leave me alone! Anyway, its something to think about. Tonight was my first night back at the gym in the pool. Before, being in the pool was like being in the shower. Anytime I can relax in water, i de-stress. So walking in the pool is great. I am looking forward to getting back up to specs and figuring out this living thing in the pool. I guess I've hurried as much as I can, and now I just have to wait for it all to fall in place.