Fear of the boogie man

When you were a kid did you have a fear of the closet monster, the under the bed monster, the dark hallway monster etc? I can't recall a particular monster I feared. I've shared this before, but I can't recall a lot about childhood, a bit or piece here and there. Anywho, the first time I lost some weight and people began to notice, I shared with someone that I began to think about the vulnerability of being smaller. I was hit on by this lesbian cop and for a while I kept running into her everywhere. Freaked me out, cause that just freaks me out. "Don't judge me", its just hard to be cocky and rude in the way you are to a guy when its a girl! I'm still trying to comprehend she thinks I would want tofu instead of a T-bone steak! Nuff said, but on one of those occasions she engaged me in a conversation about personal safety and she said you know with my height, (she was very tall, kinda girl you do not want to be locked in a cell with, cause you just know you'll be the domestic one...catch my drift?) I am not an easy target for a rapist, and you aren't either. I guess I knew this, but hearing it from a cop (twisted but still a cop)confirmed it. So with that first real drop in weight I was driving one day and this guy kept pulling up near me. He was driving a creepy van with tinted windows. I got nervous and started thinking all sorts of weird things. Eventually he turned off, but by then I was already thinking about all the boogie monsters that were in the world waiting to attack unsuspecting "little" people. An ex-acquaintaince took time to teach me some basic self protection moves when I shared my fears with him. First and foremost is don't let someone take you someplace else. Easier said than done right especially if he has a gun. Remember he or they are looking for the easiest target. If he's got a gun more than likely he's gonna kill you if he's taking you some place else. Sometimes there are things that are worse than death. Keep that in mind. First of all yelling may be effective if you yell the right thing. The more Jerry Springerish the more likely to draw attention, this is no time to be a lady, "WTF do you mean you been sleeping with my sister!!!?" Apparently people don't respond as quickly to "HELP!", but they love to see a good drama. Now this may not work especially if no one is around. If its just you, then you also want to remember, dead weight is very hard to drag into a vehicle. Running, fighting, provide energy he or they can use to lift you into the vehicle. Dropping to the ground either in a fake faint or like the 70's protestors makes you really hard to take. That was the whole idea in the 70's remember seeing more than one person having to pick them up? Unless he is fixated on you and you alone (not likely) he's gonna look for an easier target. He will have to either threaten you with being shot, in which case you have a chance of surviving and if you don't, your family will know what happened to you cause you will be where you were suppose to be, or he has to get help/put the gun down to pick you up. Lets say he has some other weapon. Depending on what it is, you may be able to pull a wonder woman on him. Now these next few are quite simple, and they sound cruel, but remember, he plans to do even more cruel and painful things to you. It takes less than 3lbs of pressure to break a knee. Just pretend you have a handful of groceries and you have an old Ford with a heavy door, that never shuts right and requires a good kick. You're gonna pull that knee up and shove it forward with all your might directly onto that knee cap. You want to hear it pop, and then run like hell. I have heard about driving his nose up into his skull, but I don't know how that works. I was told to deliver a punch directly into the nose. In the movies, punches are delivered sideways. That's not what we are after. If you play sports, this is a follow through move. Pretend you are Venus Williams and you need to shove that ball down your opponents throat. You pull the arm back, you keep your eye on the ball (his nose) you bring your fist forward straight ahead with all your might (how dare he have the audacity to attack you!), punch him in the nose with the intent to push his nose into the back of his skull. This is not a love tap on his face. The goal is to incapacitate him. So again the goal is driving his nose to the back of his skull. Just keep going, follow through with the punch. Hopefully there will be blood, but you want him down, and again run like hell. The infamous kick to the family jewels is a risky move, because that doesn't always work, and can make him very angry. Its been shown that a man can continue to function with a stab wound. So your knife may not be so reliable. If you know that your pepper spray is fresh and not outdated AND you are 100% certain you can get it open, aim it and hit the target, cool. I am in the process...well just starting to apply for a gun and then I'm going to apply for a concealed weapon permit. This is a personal choice that I've been discussing with family and friends for several months. You have to figure out what's best for you. At first I didn't think I could hurt someone by breaking their knee or crushing their nose, but it was stressed to me "Its you or them." Now having some ways to deal with it has made me feel less powerless about losing weight and falling into the possible victim category. The other thing is its a part of life that everyone contends with and I can't stop losing weight just because thats a possibility.
Ok now that I've taking the long way around the barn, let me clean my shoes off from going through the pasture and then we'll go in the barn.
There are lots of other "boogie men" that seem to be lurking in the path of my weight loss. How to deal with men I've known who change how they now look at me. Men who left my life but want re-admittance now that there's less of me to love. Becoming a piece of meat again. As a woman you know the look, you get goose bumps when the interest of your heart looks at you that way, but it just makes your stomach turn when some old leacherous man does it. Now you know what I'm talking about. The look that starts with his favorite body parts and either proceeds up or down your body. You might as well be nude cause you can tell he's undressed you and taken mental photographs. Maybe you like it, but I don't. At my last job there was another supervisor who was married to a big girl and apparently that was his preference. He would do that to me and it made me so mad. But as a very big girl, it didn't happen often. Now I've got to deal with that again. Since I've never been as small as I'm about to get,and people keep telling me that I'm gonna be sought after, I worry about dealing with it. Most parents gave their kids some way to combat the boogie man, for some it was a blanket, a flashlight or nightlight, a "magic" weapon to scare the boogie man away. Earlier I shared what someone gave me to deal with physical vulnerability. Now I'm going to find out how to deal with these boogie men, after all they are a part of living and while they may not be as dangerous as a real attacker, they have to be dealt with. Cause I for one refuse to stop living out of fear.