I enjoy television. No...seriously I really enjoy television. I get emotionally involved with characters, work out stuff, get in touch with emotions that are brewing just below the surface, I laugh a lot at funny things, fuss at characters and of course I veg out sometimes. Anywho I have become addicted to "Drop Dead Diva, True Blood, and Army Wives". All of which come on Sunday night. Drop Dead Diva and True Blood are on at the same time. I don't have HBO, so I go to a friends house to watch True Blood. I record Drop Dead Diva and Army Wives. I was watching the last episode of Army Wives.(ok this is like 2 weeks old) One couple had a son who was also in the military. The son is in Iraq when his buddy gets shot. He calls his parents, the father being in the military began to talk to him in military language. I am paraphrasing but basically he told him he was sorry that his friend had gotten killed, but that he could not lose sight of what he was suppose to do. The father knew that if his son lost his concentration it could get him killed. He told him to stay focused.
The wife of another military man was diagnosed with diabetes and she had been really tripping out over this. She went to pick up her daughter from ice hockey practice where she met a young girl. The girl was a captain of her team and a full blown diabetes patient. She was very nonchalant about checking her blood and drinking juice. The wife realized diabetes was not a death sentences or something to hold her back. Then the one female officer got the call that her group was to ship out the next week. The episode ended with her crying as she held her baby.
As I told a friend, I don't dare compare myself and the trivial stuff I deal with to the daily dangers the men and women of the military face, but life in a sense is a battle. There are skirmishes, battles, coups, rebellions, ambushes and such. I sometimes get distracted by the skirmishes which really aren't that serious and will probably pass as quickly as they came. When I get distracted by the small ones, it makes the larger ones hit me even harder and almost takes me out of the game.
Sometimes I forget that the goal is not to focus on eating less, but simply listening to my body when it says its had enough. Its difficult enough when I am struggling with this, but then you have other family members tripping off of it too. Last week a friend and I treated my sister to ice cream at Coldstone. This past Sunday she and I are sitting beside each other in a church service. She looks at me and says "I told Jane we ate ice cream". She gives me this look and says "Jane said we can't eat ice cream!" WTF and whada ya mean we white man? I'm thinking great, now I'm gonna have to tell my sister and her friend to bite my butt. Then every time I say anything about there seems to be something different about my body, before I can say what it is, my mother says "are you gaining weight?" Ok hold up, am I gonna have to tell my momma, chill, I'm screwing this cat? Sorry I've loved that saying every since an ex introduced me to it. I think I've told you I like "I got your (fill in the blank) hanging. Men have such cool power statements...notice how they seem to center around sexual prowess...hmmm. Oops what was I talking about hahaha oh yeah focus.
Stuff like that shakes me and if I'm in a vulnerable spot (not feeling attractive, afraid that I will gain weight, wondering if I will reach this goal or another one, etc) it hits me even harder. Like a soldier I've got to grieve or feel it for a moment to at least acknowledge it, but then pick up my weapon and keep stepping. I am fighting a battle and it can be won, but I have to keep my head. I have to defend myself, I've got to be strategic about where I go, listen for incoming bombs, keep my eyes open for traps, and keep my mind "Army strong" to deal with the terrorist attacks. You know the folks that walk up like a woman wearing an explosive, and then they blow up in your face. "You look good, how much have you lost? I'm glad you did something..." back handed comment/suicide bomber...one day I'm gonna figure out how to make sure it really is a suicide bomber by taking out the bomb carrier. What do you think a punch to the face or the gut?
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